I should really stop telling myself things can’t get any worse.
Let me preface this with another story.
Before my surgeries, but when I knew I was gonna need them, for about 5 seconds I got really motivated to get in good shape before I went in. Don’t ask me why, but this tiny light bulb in my head went off and reminded me of my dad
This is not me, or my father.
saying many moons ago, “Hey Jump roping is a great exercise”. And I said, yea dad, good idea. And I bought a jump rope. I anticipated its arrival in the mail and when it got to my house I was pumped about it. Took it out of the package and promptly put it on a hook in the garage and went to sit on my couch. I finally mustered up the energy to use it one day. I was in my garage on my lonesome and decided to give her a go. So I get in the jump rope stance, and then get ready to jump my heart away like I did in the 6th grade. Well…it turns out sixth grade was much longer ago than I remember. Before I get to the next part, let me preface this with I was still very sick at this point. So I start to jump…and I realize that I can’t do multiple jumps because I’m about to die and my legs are a bit shaky. So I give it my all and jump about 3 times in a row…and then it happened. Literally 3 jumps into my “workout” my legs gave out and I literally fell over on my garage floor. At first I was shocked at how FAR out of shape I was, then as I literally laid on my floor…I laughed. A lot. (This is far funnier when I act it out, which I’d be happy to do)
So heres my point. That was something in my former life I regarded as embarrassing.
Present day:
Yesterday was a suckfest. It rained FOREVER. Lots of rain. Not to mention, I now park about 6+blocks from my office, so its easily a 10 minute walk to and from my car. Yesterday morning it was raining but I was still cheery. Work goes on..blah blah..its around 4:20 or so and I realize I’ve got to pee. So I go in there pull down my drawers, and SURPRISE!
- A leak has sprung. How I wish it was water.
Your hand has poo on it. Yea…a Leak. A fucking leak. WHAT THE CRAP. So I assess the situation, and I realize, “hey that awesome spare set of everything I have…is in my car.” So I had no choice, but to wipe off what I could, pull my poopy pants back up and try to plug the leak with some paper towel. I seriously sat there, no pants, again giving myself a pep talk. Trying to figure out the best scenario. The only one I could come up with, was the worst one. Put on my poop covered clothes, go out in the pouring rain…walk 6 blocks to my car…and then drive 30 minutes home before fixing the “problem”. Lets talk about feeling DISGUSTING. I walked in the door to my house dropped my stuff and leaped into the shower. So gross. GROSS GROS GRROSOSDSDFLSDKSDJR. 
THATS EMBARRASSING. What I wouldn’t give to fall over on my garage floor jump roping right now.
So driving home, I felt my positivity drop. Honestly, I felt like I could see myself getting depressed. Luckily my favorite sister called and reminded me of my jump rope story, and instead of crying at my present, I cried tears of ridiculousness over my jump rope failure. I think part of my day’s mood was due to the fact 
that one of my fantastic bag friends went in for his #2 surgery yesterday. Much to everyone’s surprise when he awoke, Remzi decided to do #2 and #3 in one step. WOWSIE. Which is so fantastic for him, but honestly, my jealously totally got the best of me. I KNOW this will not happen for me. I also am now alone in the bagging world. He was the person I talked to most about it, and now its as though I’m the only person alive wearing this stupid thing. So then…of course I had a leak. It was just not a good day. But I’m happy my friend made it through like a champ, and that he can be done with this journey.
Oh friend…my dear, dear friend…you are a much stronger person that I will ever be. I don’t know how you do it, but I do know one thing, jumping rope is hard and I get shakey too. I wish that I could be there in Michigan to laugh with you about these things that become funny AFTER the fact. Yes, cause you know we would laugh.
Bottom line, you are tough and I am happy to have you as a friend. Lucky also.
Leaks suck. I still feel sick when I think about my “incidents”. I’m sorry.
Here’s to a better rest of the week.
I feel for you. Leaks are not fun. When is your second surgery going to be? I go to the CC on the 24th so we’ll see when the doc says I can go back for my second. That would be so awesome if I could wake up and he would have done 2 and 3 but that’s not going to happen for me either. It seems like such a long process with the three steps and I’m totally jealous of those who have it done in two. Oh well, this too shall pass.
My #2 is on August 24th. Vicki said that basically when you combine #2 and #3 recovery is much harder and closer to 8 weeks. I dont know. I almost would rather have #2 and #3 separate. My friend seems miserable.
I just found your blog through j-pouch life, and i am enjoying the read. I just had my final 3rd surgery done on May 12th. It is wonderful to be “bag” free, but all your stories just brings my mind right back to the many many I faced as well. Keep strong, the end will come!
Oh, btw for Jackie. Do pray you have it in 2 steps, because whether or not the recovery is longer. Having to deal with a loop-end stoma (for me at least) was the longest 10 weeks of my life! You can read a little of my journey on my blog as well. Just click on my name 🙂
Good Luck!!
i had my third and final leak the week before my last surgery… i was an hour before work was over, and pretty much same thing, i had to pee so i went to the bathroom and BAMM… poop in the pants…. i waddled back to my desk, told my co-worker i had an emergency and left. My shit for brains boss sent co-worker out after me to make sure i was ok. I almost yelled at him to stay away, and then I proceeded to drive home with tears running down my face b/c i had pooped my pants. REALLY??? at age 40 i pooped my pants!